That goes double if there was an accompanying card suggesting you "stand real close" to the products "if and when you shower."
As cruel as that approach may be, at least it would make more sense than the weird fragrance commercials I watched on TV during the holidays.
Am I simply too old to understand these nuanced messages? Perhaps. But one thing's for certain: At 78, there's no way I could perform the physical feats that flashed across my screen.
(True, I couldn't have performed them at 68, 58, 48 or 38 either. Maybe I could've turned in a modest showing at 28 or 18, but only if fortified by substances, ingested and/or inhaled, that dull one's sense of safety, responsibility and sanity.)
It featured actor Aaron Taylor-Johnson — yes, I had to Google his name; no, I've never heard of the guy; yes, he's got muscles like chiseled granite; no, dammit, I'm not jealous of Mr. Hunk — who abruptly runs to the edge of a cliff, pauses a second, then dives into the ocean.
Perhaps he's being chased by a swarm of bees. Whatever the case, he plunges. Next comes an underwater scene in which he executes a perfect arc back to the surface. That's when Johnson encounters a huge blue whale and swims around with it. Two seconds later, he's back atop the cliff, watching the whale leap out of the ocean and come crashing back to the water, a good 200 yards in the distance.
I had a similar reaction when watching actor Johnny Depp — whom I did recognize, thank you — in a commercial for Christian Dior's "Sauvage."
This spot was videoed in a desert setting. It opens with Depp napping on the ground and being startled awake by the scream of a mountain lion. In the next scene, Depp strides along a rugged trail. The mountain lion, initially tracking slowly, suddenly charges.
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